Tips For Supporting A Griever

Ask yourself this question:

Are you actually trying to help them feel better or are you so uncomfortable sitting with their pain that you feel compelled to “fix it”?


So often the later is true as we have been conditioned to avoid pain and what is uncomfortable—and as grievers we are conditioned to be cautious about expressing our true feelings to anyone for fear of making them uncomfortable.


Both sides then deny sharing in the full humanity of being alive. The opportunity to truly see each other and share a deeper connection.


Part of the challenge is knowing how to show up for a griever and its honestly easier than you think...


Just show up! And keep showing up...

  • There is no time limit on grief and early grief can be 1-3 years.

  • Calls and casseroles usually stop after the first 4-6 WEEKS.

  • Be messy with them, no need to have the right words—silence is just as valuable...because you are still there when most people won’t be...

  • Don’t assume they are getting tons of support because it is common to lose relationships during grief because people will want to avoid the pain and discomfort of it all.

  • Allow all of the feelings and know that anger and rage will be part of that—and its all allowed and part of being human.

Know that it is a flowing river within them that is constantly shifting—the experience of grief is ever changing.


Journal Invitation:

If you feel compelled to fix their pain, why is that for you? What is your personal relationship with grief and witnessing pain in others?

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